Dating is never easy for the singles of the world. The idea of exposing your vulnerabilities to someone else can be a daunting prospect, especially if you are fresh on the romance market. That’s why you need to show your new date the best side of you, a side that is confident and knows exactly who you are and what you want. Unfortunately, if you struggle with self-esteem issues then this can make it difficult to make a good first impression on your date. Read on to learn how your self-worth can negatively affect your dating chances and how you can overcome it.
The science behind low self-esteem and dating
So, one of the main problems that can come along with low self-esteem is your satisfaction levels. When you start to feel unhappy with yourself then that’s when insecurities can creep in and have a negative impact on both you and your partner. According to a questionnaire of 500 men and women about their self-esteem and partners flaws in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, those with low self-esteem found that they were not only intimidated by their partners’ imperfections, but they saw their partner as solely all good or all bad.
This sort of up-down opinion of your partner can really leave you feeling insecure, worse still, the unpredictability of your feelings can leave your partner feeling a bit unsure about where you stand. This can lead to extreme jealousy, or worse, panic attacks, especially if your anxiety leads you to doubt everything that you say.
The ways low self-esteem can impact your dates
Think about it, if you are struggling to love yourself and the things you say, how can you actually start to love anybody else? If you feel negative about your personality or appearance or your very existence then this is clearly going to rub off on other people. However, you may be wondering about the impact of low self-esteem in more detail. If you start noticing any of these symptoms then it may be time to give yourself a self-worth check.
Yes, you are supposed to apologise when you hurt someone, however, you do not need to repeatedly apologise whenever you do the slightest thing wrong. It can get a bit tiring hearing someone apologise over and over again, sometimes for literally doing nothing wrong. If you catch yourself apologising to the extreme then it may be time to give yourself a hard look in the mirror. Your apologies may show how low your self-worth actually is.
On a date, your new partner may feel the impact of this behaviour on your conversation. It can make things a little awkward if you find yourself constantly apologising over and over again. You do not want to ruin the flow of the conversation and leave any awkward silences. So make sure you keep your apologies to a minimum.
Unfortunately, a symptom of low self-esteem is allowing your partner to get away with things that most people would find unhealthy. This can include a multitude of bad choices with alcohol, money, food or even drugs. The more you feed their addiction, the more you feel like a doormat. This sort of feeling can start from the first date, so make sure to not let your self-esteem be the reason why people walk all over you. You can support their goals but don’t baby them and solve all of their problems for them. This can lead to them fully depending on you in an unhealthy manner.
Do you find yourself texting your day more than you need to? If you get frightened the moment your date starts texting you, or start to spam them with messages to restart the conversation, then you may be being more clingy than you ultimately need to be. The reason behind this? Well, there are a few. You may feel unworthy or love and are frightened that you are going to lose your partner.
The more you obsess over your partner, the more likely that you will start to lose your identity as a person. Don’t let your date take up all of your time every day. Your new partner will certainly not appreciate having time to themselves. The lack of privacy may make both you and your partner feel irritable at each other. You may also start to get at each other’s throats or struggle to find conversation topics. So make sure to give each other the space that you both need. You require your alone time just as much as they do.
If you find yourself constantly trying to please your friend and loved ones to the extreme, you may have become a “people pleaser.” People pleasures tend to have very self-esteem as they feel the need to over-do their kind actions to prove their worth. They try to avoid conflict and negative emotions, meaning that they don’t tend to have time for their own feelings.
From the get-go, this sort of behaviour can kill a potential relationship as it can set unrealistic expectations and can lead to resentment. If you cannot be honest with your partner about how you feel, positive or negative, then your latest date is most likely not going to go very well.
People who have low self-esteem do tend to have a bad habit of lying to their partners. It doesn’t even need to be about big things. Small things like what you did during the day, what you like or dislike or even just about what sort of food you enjoy. You don’t want to think that your partner will disapprove of your tastes, so the lying party will stretch out of the truth to gain approval. This is an obvious sign of low-self esteem as it can show a manufactured personality to make up for what the person perceives as “bad behaviour.”
How to get around your low self-esteem for your date
It doesn’t make a difference who your date is. Whether they are a sexy escort from Manchester’s best outcall agency or are just the girl from next door, your self-confidence is going to be one of your main tools that will win over her affection. Whilst you should not change who you are, it’s time to put those feelings aside for a little while as you get to know your brand new date. Here are some tips on how you can put your best foot forward:
- Think of a dating strategy- If there is a place or romantic venue that makes you feel more comfortable then go to it. Pick somewhere laid back or an area that makes you feel confident, such as a coffee shop or a bar. That way you do not have to prep much. Just throw on a nice outfit and make your way there.
- Treat your date how you would like to be treated- It can be difficult to start a conversation if you feel like your confidence has dropped and you want to withdraw. We’ve all had that awkward introduction and quiet period during new dates where the other person looks like they just want to get up and leaves. But this sort of interaction should not change how you treat others. Remain calm and respectful when meeting new people. Speak them honestly and keep in the right mindset when arranging another date. That way you can see if you will click with your new lover.
- Be honest about yourself- Going on a new date is about making a brand new connection with someone. It’s not about immediately spilling your guts about everything that’s on your mind. It’s about getting to know each other slowly. Just be honest about where you are in your dating life and this will help move the process along. Unreal expectations can really put a downer on the evening.
- They don’t want to be with you? Fine!- You need to tell yourself that you are not missing out on anything by not being with them. They are not worth your time and you deserve to be with people who want to be around you. Keep reminding yourself that you are worthy of love and are not afraid to be single.
- You have standards- Don’t be afraid to say to yourself that you do expect certain characteristics from your partner. You are not a doormat and you deserve to be valued. You need to start asking yourself, “is your date worthy of you” rather than “am I worthy of them?” If you truly enjoy spending time with them then they are worth being around.
Improve your self-esteem and find your dream date!
You should never ignore mental health issues. Even if they appear small, and perhaps you just brush aside your self-esteem issues, then they need to be dealt with to make you feel happier about yourself. Your love life will not improve if you do not take steps to improve yourself. So, be brave and take the first leap.
Content Writer: Hannah Fletcher